Feeling Overwhelmed

I don't know if it is a result of being trapped inside by the cold or what but I have been feeling alone lately. I love where we live but I am sad that I am not closer to either my parents or my sisters. We moved away from our friends, not by a lot but by enough. And I am sure it is just the weather because people always stay in more when the weather sucks, and it sure has sucked this month.

I love my family and I wouldn't trade what I have for anything. I feel very blessed in my life. I do wish that we had more friends in the stage of life we are. It is hard to try to balance family life and still hang out with our friends, sans kids. If we had a babysitter it would be easier but how do you find a babysitter? I mean seriously, how? I had a number, but Chuck had to go and throw it away so now I am back to square one.

And Chuck traveling just makes it that much harder. Trying to make it work out with two kids all day and night, no break, it is exhausting. I finally figured it out tonight the worst part; putting James to bed is usually my down time, I don't have to worry about Amelia, the house, the cat, anything. I just nurse James and close my eyes and relax. I don't have that now. I either nurse James while Amelia runs rampant and naked through the house, or while reading Amelia books. I really miss my time with James.

Amelia also has been trying every last nerve I have. I realized tonight that I really need to learn some patience and anger management. It is very frustrating trying to manage dinner with no help. Not just making it, but eating it as well. I have mastered making it with the help of a little tv time and the walker, but eating it, that is another story. Amelia still gets distracted when eating if she is not getting a lot of attention so when I have to feed James she sort of loses the plot. And then if I focus on Amelia, James ends up throwing his food everywhere. I swear after a meal it looks like a bomb went off in a supermarket.

The End of 2010

I have heard a lot of bad news this year, a lot of lost jobs, deaths, hard times. 2010 has not been an easy year for a lot of people and for them I am sure the hopes are high for 2011. I feel very blessed to be able to say that 2010 has been a terrific year for me and my family. Chuck got a new job in February and it has gone exceedingly well, we moved into our new house in March, James came into our lives in June, Amelia turned 2 in July. I am so lucky to have so many blessings in my life.

Of course a new year always makes us pause and think about what things could be better in our lives. We resolve to do things better, make ourselves better, be better. There is a lot that I could do differently to make my life better; here is a short list:

1. Be healthier. Limit portions, healthier choices, more exercise.

2. Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred starting Jan 1st.

3. Get James sleeping through the night.

4. Vacuum my downstairs everyday. James will be crawling soon and I don't want him eating dirt!

5. Take at least 1 non baby picture everyday (this will continue through the year)

6. Finish Narrow Dog to Carcassonne I have been trying to finish this book since LAST Christmas. Not for any particular reason other than I don't have a little light in my bedroom.

7. Be more patient with Amelia.

Merry Christmas!!!!

I am like a frickin' kid this Christmas. I am the most excited one in my house. I want my kids to wake up and see the cool things we got them. I am giddy with excitement.

Alright, that is done. But honestly this has been a pretty cool Christmas. We are in our new house, we have a big tree. Amelia is finally old enough that she is getting into the spirit of the season. We have been made humble by the generosity of our friends. It truly is a magical time of year and I am so blessed. Last night we had some friends stop by to visit which was awesome. Tonight a friend stopped by for a visit, and a neighbor popped in with a poinsettia for us. Tomorrow we will be seeing family as well as Sunday. I just can't get over how much love is in my life and how lucky I am.

Phoning it in

I do not like this phrase. It really bugs me and I don't know why. What does it even mean? Where did it come from? Ugh.

Okay so anyway. Another pet peeve of mine lately is people lying to me. I am a big girl, I don't need to be coddled. I have a big belly, I know that. When you tell me I don't it just makes me irritated. I realize that my belly is not as big as it used to be but that does not mean that it is magically not fat. (I Love you husband and appreciate your support)

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And So Begins a New Theme

Ok, I can't keep it up, the whole Losing It thing. Titles are not so easy to come up with! So here we are and the titles will just be whatever. James is 6 months old and I told myself that sleep training started at 6 months. But it is proving to be more difficult than I expected. Amelia needed to sleep training around 7 or 8 months but that was because she went from sleeping 7 to 7 to waking up once or twice. I don't recall it being so hard with her. It was certainly difficult, any time my kids cry it breaks my heart. I just don't recall it being as hard as it is with James. It is terrible listening to him cry and I know that it means that I just won't and I won't get sleep and I will be tired and cranky. But he is just so little and cute and I love him so much.

Seriously though some days are harder than others. He was sleeping 7 to 3 then 7 again. That isn't bad, I can handle that. Lately though he has been waking at 9 and 3 and 6 (at which point he comes into bed with me!) And Amelia usually wakes up once so I have been having some sleepless nights - which Chuck usually wakes up from with no idea what I have been through.

Last night was better and I got 5 and a half hours of straight sleep! It was amazing, and I got to snuggle with my little guy in the morning. So here is hoping that last night's trend continues!

Losing My Ambition

So yeah, I sort of ran out of steam huh? Almost of month of nothing but I'm back baby! The blog hasn't been the only thing that I have been slacking on. I haven't been going to the gym, I haven't been watching what I eat, and I haven't been keeping up with my cleaning. Well I am really hoping to turn everything around, starting tomorrow - Although oddly tomorrow is when I will be quitting the gym. I have a brand new treadmill at home and I LOVE it! It is a Sole F80 and it is fantastic. Well, I mean, I have clocked a whole 5 miles on it (in two days) but so far it is pretty nice. The one thing I am really missing from the treadmills at the gym is a cool down button.

Losing Chocolate and Goldfish

Alright, enough is enough. Seriously. I am tired of this rut I am in. I am not counting my calories, I am not working out, I am not losing weight (but on the plus side I am not gaining it either). There always seems to be an excuse for not going to the gym, not counting my calories, not caring, and quite frankly it is getting old. I am tired all the time, I am disappointed in myself, I am disappointed in the scale, and I no longer feel good about how I look (even though I haven't gained weight I just feel more bloated).

I need to get back on track and I don't want to wait until after the holidays. So my plan of action is to give up chocolate and delicious Goldfish crackers for the month of November. Why these two completely unrelated items you ask? Good question.

Chocolate - I am not usually a chocolate person, in fact chocolate used to be safe in my house. Halloween candy could be found up until Easter. Lately though it hasn't had such luck! When I was pregnant with James I craved chocolate and so we bought it. I wasn't bad about it, a couple M&Ms here and there was really all I needed. However, in the past 4 months where I have NOT been pregnant I have learned a valuable lesson - sweet begets sweet. The more I ate, the more I wanted, it was, nay is, a vicious cycle. So with an overabundance of Halloween candy and a half gallon of chocolate ice cream in the freezer, I am saying enough is enough! I don't like chocolate, I would rather have something else, so something else will have to do. For the month of November I will NOT eat chocolate. Does this mean I will not eat sweets? No, just not chocolate. I will still be able to eat pie on Thanksgiving, I will still be able to satisfy my sweet tooth (Amelia got quite a few tiny bags of Skittles!), I will just be abstaining from chocolate this month.

Goldfish - This favorite toddler snack is my kryptonite. It is seriously a problem. Amelia loves them, so I feel like I should have them around. But if I have them around I eat them, and not like one or two. Oh no, not this girl. I devour them. It is terrible. So no more. I am giving them up. Again, not all snacks, just goldfish.