The Master Cleanse

Day 1 1 Day.

Ok, so my sister finally convinced me to try the Master Cleanse. She always raves about it and how great she feels afterwards. Even her husband has done it several times and I figure if he has done it more than once the results must be worth it. But really what won me over was the lure of losing 10 pounds. I mean, who wouldn't love to lose 10 pounds in 3 or 4 days. And after a weekend of eating in Maine I needed it!

For the cleanse you need 6 lemons per day you decide to do it and I had decided on 4 days, Tuesday through Friday. So I went to the grocery store and bought 20 lemons, which I knew wasn't enough but I figured I could always go get more, plus they were really big lemons! I am thinking this is going to be a piece of cake, I love lemonade so this will be awesome, drinking lemonade all day. I have done fasts before and they aren't terrible so I am mentally prepared, so I thought.

I wake up on day one, Tuesday, feeling great. My kids slept all night and didn't wake up until 7:15, which let me assure you is a rarity and one I treasure. We all get downstairs and the kids play while I start juicing my lemons, with a hand juicer nonetheless. I put 5 of my big lemons in a gallon jug, added some maple syrup, and some cayenne powder, filled it up with water and poured myself a big ole glass.

The first initial reaction, besides the burning in my sore throat, was that it wasn't that bad. It was actually pretty good, maybe could have been a bit sweeter, but all in all I was happy. I mean, I wished I hadn't started when I had a sore throat because let me tell you a day of lemon juice did not make it feel better. I finish my first glass and am feeling good. Went and dropped Amelia off at preschool came back home with James. I decided that I wouldn't go to the gym, what with the only drinking I figure that working out would be a bad idea. Had myself another glass of the lemonade (less cayenne this time made it slightly less painful on my throat). Then went out to Target to try to find a better juicer, which I completely forgot!

By the time lunch rolled around I still was doing alright, I mean I wanted to eat because my kids were. I can see where the cleanse would be infinitely easier if you didn't have to make food for others. After the kids were up for their nap I entered my typical snacking time. And this was HARD. I found myself looking in the fridge countless times, only to close the door and sigh. But I was hanging tough. I busied myself and waited for the kids to wake up so I could take them to the doctor.

Then I started to get a headache. And little waves of nausea. I tried drinking some more juice because I figure I needed the sugar boost, but it was making my stomach upset and heartburn was threatening to set in. I drank a glass of water instead. I called my brother-in-law on the way to the doctor to try to get a little perspective on what I was feeling. He was on day 2 of his cleanse and I figured a little solidarity might help. He said it was normal and it would go away, stay strong! All this time the headache was only getting worse.

We make it through the doctor's appointment, double cases of bronchitis and antibiotics all around thank you very much, and I am not feeling any better. I call my sister, this instigator of all this misery. She tells me it is the toxins leaving my body, usually this happens on day 3 so I should be happy that I am getting it out of the way. Stay strong, stick with it. I can't even fathom making the kids dinner so they got hot dogs and cheese sticks. At that point the simple act of walking across my kitchen was making me light headed, nauseous, and it was starting to hurt to just have my eyes open.

That was the point where I broke. I ate a banana. Then I ate a sandwich. I pulled myself together just enough to get the kids in bed, which was no easy feat and took a little over an hour, and then I promptly passed out on the couch. The Master Cleanse is not for me.