Losing My Hair

One of the perks of pregnancy is that your hair stops falling out and becomes thicker. It is really quite fantastic and for those 9 blissful months you almost forget what normal shedding is.

Then about 2 or 3 months after your precious baby is born it happens. You are in the shower washing your hair when all of a sudden you have a fistful of loose strands in your hand. And it doesn't stop! Remember it was 9 blissful months of not shedding, your body has some catching up to do.

Fistful upon fistful of hair starts coming out, in the shower, when you brush, after a ponytail (the staple mom hairdo!). You start to see it on the floor, in your bed, and if you are incredibly lucky like me, in your toddler's poop. Yeah you heard me, in her poop.

That foolish thing eats hair. It started with her stuffed Kiwi but we didn't think she was eating it because we would find random wet tufts in her bed. It has since progressed to any and all fluff, the cat's hair, my hair, and she will even pull out her own and eat it. I am starting to get a little worried.

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Losing TV Time

Dear CBS,

Please allow Hulu to stream your shows. Hulu is my BFF and my life would be complete if only I could watch my shows. You see, due to circumstances beyond my control (namely my 3 month old not wanting to sleep), I have missed most of my Monday night shows. And although nothing is more important than my sweet little boy, it would be nice to catch up the next day during nap time.

So CBS, please find it in your heart to grant Hulu whatever rights and privileges needed to show the wonderful shows on your delightful network.

Thank you very much!

Losing Nothing

Today I gained - gained stamina, self respect, maybe some other thing too. I ran my first ever 5k today, the Littleton Road Race. I ran the entire thing without walking, which I had yet to accomplish at the gym. I finished in 38:47, but the first mile was 11:59 so I was kind of on pace for my 12 minute mile.

I feel really good about myself; I set a goal and I accomplished it. I wasn't the fastest runner out there by any stretch but I also wasn't the slowest. I think I was 240 something of 282. Just means that I have room for improvement and next year maybe I will be 140 something of 282.

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Losing Weight - Week 10

So I got up and weighed myself this morning and wasn't thrilled with the results. So naturally I decided I should weigh myself after I feed James. Then I thought maybe I can pee a little then weight myself. After all of that I am down a pound! And it really shouldn't be considered cheating because I usually do weigh myself after I feed James.

My big race is tomorrow. I have only logged 6 miles this week and I would have really liked to have gotten at least 9 under my belt. I can't believe I am talking about running in terms of miles per week. I never thought I would like running, and in all honesty I don't, but I do find that it is producing the results I want. Anyway, my goal is to be under 40 minutes, ideally around 36, and anything under 36 will be a win.

Losing Perspective

I admit it, sometimes I am irrational. And during these times where rational thought flees from me I usually have lost perspective in some way. I then generally find myself irrationally angry at someone, usually Chuck or Amelia.

Is it fair that I direct my irrational anger towards these two? No. Well, Chuck maybe but Amelia? She is two, she doesn't deserve it. Sure she angers me, she is two after all, but she doesn't deserve more than she is due. However, when I am irrational I lose patience with my sweet girl.

Sadly it is only after I have been irrational that I can look back and realize it. It is then that I regain perspective and realize that I have been a raging bitch. No Heather, your husband does not go out with the boys every night. In fact he hardly ever does. No Heather, Amelia is not trying to send you to an untimely breakdown. She is merely 2 and testing her boundaries (and yours!).

Ok Heather, take a deep breath and relax.

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Losing All Semblence of a Life

Ok seriously it has been like 2 months since I have had the pleasure of getting together with a friend that has not had to deal with weddings. Chuck was just invited to a Red Sox game with MY friend Alex. Does anyone ever invite me anywhere? No.

I understand that I have a 3 month old and I am sure that plays a part, but still! I want to go out and do something. I want to have something to talk about besides my kids. Again not that I don't love my kids.

I guess it just gets me now because Chuck is busy planning a bachelor party in Vegas, now he is going to the Red Sox tomorrow night, and what am I doing? Nothing.

Guess I am just having a pity party.

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Losing Time

Ok, this is seriously crap. I signed up for a 5k 3 weeks ago. The race is on Sunday. Right after I signed up I got sick and didn't do anything for a week. Last week I had a great running week, ran 15 miles and even managed to shave some minutes off my time. I was looking forward to another great week and WHAM I get sick again. WTF? This sucks. I am really hoping that I feel better tomorrow and can get back to the gym and back on the running.

On a good note though my very good friend might run with me! She runs marathons so it will be good motivation for me to have her there. I am very excited for this run. I know I am not going to break any records and at this rate I might even have to stop and walk but I love the fact that I am doing it. I feel like I have really turned a page in my life and I feel better than I have in a long time!

Losing a Baby

I sit here in my bed in tears over the loss of a baby. Noah Lambert passed away and though I did not know him or his mother in real life my heart aches for them.

Courtney is a member of LammyTown, an internet birth club I am a member of. It started as a simple idea, women whose babies we due June 1st through 10th, but it grew beyond control - not in size but in closeness. The women on this board make me laugh on a daily basis. We share our little ones' achievements, pictures, frustrations with our husbands and in laws, our real life drama. The women of LammyTown give each other unflinching support. And today we step up and give support for the most heartbreaking event of any life.

Little Noah was 4 months old, just a month older than James. The feelings his mother must be having . . . I can't even imagine. I have checked on both of my babies twice since I found out and I all I want to do is watch them sleep.

I am writing this to try to wrap my head around such a tragic event and the strength of Courtney. I cannot imagine going on without James or Amelia, they feel like they have always been a part of me. My thoughts will be with the family and I hope that in reading this you will stop and give silent support to this family is such a heartbreaking time.

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Losing Weight - Week 9

Down 2 pounds this week for a total of 30.4!

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Losing Self Respect

Not me, don't worry. I am actually gaining it every day. Today I gained a little by running a mile in 12 minutes, a new record for the current me.

What I am referring to is something else entirely. Think of the blog "People of Walmart". We have all seen it, or similar. We have all seen the people that make us say to ourselves, "ehugh" (and that is a word specially coined by me). So my question is when do you lose so much self respect the you just don't care.

Or is the problem that these people don't know? Do they think that skin tight clothes on a 350 lb frame is attractive? Do the not feel the urge to pull up their pants when half their ass is hanging out? What is it about people that makes them, for lack of a better word, trashy?

Example, and I am going to be intentionally vague here - I saw a heavy lady in not skin tight but tight clothes the other day. Not a big deal in itself but her shirt kept riding up expsoing about 4 inches of skin. Now if this ever happened to me you can bet your ass that my first reaction would be pulling the shirt down and the second would be a mental note to never wear the shirt again! But this lady didn't immediately pull her shirt down, she just let her belly hang out for a while. So is it that she just has given up caring about her appearence, she doesn't realize that her shirt has come up, or she knows but likes the flaunt her stuff?

Always a question on my mind and thought I would share. When do you just stop caring?

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Losing Weight - Week 8

OK I am a day late but I lost .4 pounds. I REALLY need to get back on track, especially with the in laws coming in for a month and a 5k in less than 2 weeks! The gym tomorrow will tell me a lot about where I am but the way I figure it I will need to run a LOT the next two weeks.

My sister in law just left but left behind lots of bad food. Ugh! I haven't logged my calories in so many days. And I just keep giving in to the snacking. But like I said, back on track tomorrow.

I am kind of worried though because my back has been hurting. I hope that starting back at the gym only helps and doesn't cause my body to go into resistance like it usually does - or maybe that is just an excuse I have used throughout the years to be lazy.

What I really want is a way to trigger the belly fat for weight loss. I would be about 700 time happier with my body if I didn't have such a huge belly hanging out. It makes pants fit funny. I went shooping this weekend and I found that one size fits all the way up until I have to button them, the I need the next size up but the legs are too big. It is so frustrating. I did finally find a pair that aren't too terrible but I just want to be able to go into the Gap or Express and buy a nice pair of pants.

On the plus side I was able to buy nursing bras at Target so obviously my boobs have shrunk! Let me tell you if I come out of this nursing thing able to fit back in Victoria's Secret I am going on a shopping spree and I don't Chuck will mind because really I will be buying sexy new bras and the girls will be his again :)

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Losing Me

I don't know if there ever really was a "me" but I am feeling more and more out of touch with the non-mommy part of my life. Most poignant after James, I just have less and less time for me. I guess this blog is "me" at least the writing part of me, but it doesn't feel like it since a lot of times it is about my kids.

I was thinking earlier today what I did and who I was before kids. I didn't really have a career or job that I loved, I wasn't part of clubs, I haven't played any sports in forever. So what makes me me? And how do I go about establishing me as an individual when I have no time and two kids always in tow?

I could start with my likes - photography, travel, golf, softball, skiing/snowboarding. I would love to play golf again but who do I go with and when? Chuck would need to watch the kids and James is still breastfeeding so I would be lucky to get in 9 holes before I have to feed him again, or I need to start pumping. But who do I go with? None of my friends golf.

I would love to join like a town softball league but again, when do I find the time? Chuck's work schedule is too crazy to be able to expect him home on a regular basis and if he was then he would be putting the kids to bed a couple times a night by himself - which don't necessarily think is a bad thing, just a thing. And how do I go about finding a team?

It is just so hard to find time to do anything just for me. I do go to the gym because they have babysitting but other than that it is basically me and my kids all the time. Don't get me wrong, I love my children and wouldn't have it any other way, but sometimes I would like to be able to do something for myself, or have something to add to a conversation that isn't about children.

I guess soon enough they will be grown up and I will miss this part.

Losing Weight - Week 7

I am down another 1.4 pounds which makes a total of 28 pounds from my heaviest and 7 pounds from the start of this blog! I am hoping that next week will mark the change from obese to simply overweight.

This coming week also is the start of training for a 5k in 24 days time. I decided I needed some motivation. I am pretty much jogging a 5k already, or at least I was 2 weeks ago - I really need to get back to the gym! - but I need to get faster. I would like to be able to finish it under 40 minutes, and ideally under 30 but I am starting slow.

This means I will need to add outdoor running at home between gym visits. But hopefully this also means so good toning and weight loss.

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Losing Weight - Week 6 Official

So the official 10 day weigh in report is down 3.2 pounds or something! Yee ha. The best part is some runs outside (did I mention that hills suck?) and surviving Maine without gaining. Now I just have to survive the rest of this week (haven't been super but not too bad) and get back to the gym. I just signed Amelia up for a Little Gym class on Wednesday so now our weeks will be Monday and Tuesday at the gym, Wednesday the the Little Gym, Thursday with Auntie Eve, and Friday will be our fun morning day.

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