The End of 2010

I have heard a lot of bad news this year, a lot of lost jobs, deaths, hard times. 2010 has not been an easy year for a lot of people and for them I am sure the hopes are high for 2011. I feel very blessed to be able to say that 2010 has been a terrific year for me and my family. Chuck got a new job in February and it has gone exceedingly well, we moved into our new house in March, James came into our lives in June, Amelia turned 2 in July. I am so lucky to have so many blessings in my life.

Of course a new year always makes us pause and think about what things could be better in our lives. We resolve to do things better, make ourselves better, be better. There is a lot that I could do differently to make my life better; here is a short list:

1. Be healthier. Limit portions, healthier choices, more exercise.

2. Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred starting Jan 1st.

3. Get James sleeping through the night.

4. Vacuum my downstairs everyday. James will be crawling soon and I don't want him eating dirt!

5. Take at least 1 non baby picture everyday (this will continue through the year)

6. Finish Narrow Dog to Carcassonne I have been trying to finish this book since LAST Christmas. Not for any particular reason other than I don't have a little light in my bedroom.

7. Be more patient with Amelia.

Merry Christmas!!!!

I am like a frickin' kid this Christmas. I am the most excited one in my house. I want my kids to wake up and see the cool things we got them. I am giddy with excitement.

Alright, that is done. But honestly this has been a pretty cool Christmas. We are in our new house, we have a big tree. Amelia is finally old enough that she is getting into the spirit of the season. We have been made humble by the generosity of our friends. It truly is a magical time of year and I am so blessed. Last night we had some friends stop by to visit which was awesome. Tonight a friend stopped by for a visit, and a neighbor popped in with a poinsettia for us. Tomorrow we will be seeing family as well as Sunday. I just can't get over how much love is in my life and how lucky I am.

Phoning it in

I do not like this phrase. It really bugs me and I don't know why. What does it even mean? Where did it come from? Ugh.

Okay so anyway. Another pet peeve of mine lately is people lying to me. I am a big girl, I don't need to be coddled. I have a big belly, I know that. When you tell me I don't it just makes me irritated. I realize that my belly is not as big as it used to be but that does not mean that it is magically not fat. (I Love you husband and appreciate your support)

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And So Begins a New Theme

Ok, I can't keep it up, the whole Losing It thing. Titles are not so easy to come up with! So here we are and the titles will just be whatever. James is 6 months old and I told myself that sleep training started at 6 months. But it is proving to be more difficult than I expected. Amelia needed to sleep training around 7 or 8 months but that was because she went from sleeping 7 to 7 to waking up once or twice. I don't recall it being so hard with her. It was certainly difficult, any time my kids cry it breaks my heart. I just don't recall it being as hard as it is with James. It is terrible listening to him cry and I know that it means that I just won't and I won't get sleep and I will be tired and cranky. But he is just so little and cute and I love him so much.

Seriously though some days are harder than others. He was sleeping 7 to 3 then 7 again. That isn't bad, I can handle that. Lately though he has been waking at 9 and 3 and 6 (at which point he comes into bed with me!) And Amelia usually wakes up once so I have been having some sleepless nights - which Chuck usually wakes up from with no idea what I have been through.

Last night was better and I got 5 and a half hours of straight sleep! It was amazing, and I got to snuggle with my little guy in the morning. So here is hoping that last night's trend continues!

Losing My Ambition

So yeah, I sort of ran out of steam huh? Almost of month of nothing but I'm back baby! The blog hasn't been the only thing that I have been slacking on. I haven't been going to the gym, I haven't been watching what I eat, and I haven't been keeping up with my cleaning. Well I am really hoping to turn everything around, starting tomorrow - Although oddly tomorrow is when I will be quitting the gym. I have a brand new treadmill at home and I LOVE it! It is a Sole F80 and it is fantastic. Well, I mean, I have clocked a whole 5 miles on it (in two days) but so far it is pretty nice. The one thing I am really missing from the treadmills at the gym is a cool down button.

Losing Chocolate and Goldfish

Alright, enough is enough. Seriously. I am tired of this rut I am in. I am not counting my calories, I am not working out, I am not losing weight (but on the plus side I am not gaining it either). There always seems to be an excuse for not going to the gym, not counting my calories, not caring, and quite frankly it is getting old. I am tired all the time, I am disappointed in myself, I am disappointed in the scale, and I no longer feel good about how I look (even though I haven't gained weight I just feel more bloated).

I need to get back on track and I don't want to wait until after the holidays. So my plan of action is to give up chocolate and delicious Goldfish crackers for the month of November. Why these two completely unrelated items you ask? Good question.

Chocolate - I am not usually a chocolate person, in fact chocolate used to be safe in my house. Halloween candy could be found up until Easter. Lately though it hasn't had such luck! When I was pregnant with James I craved chocolate and so we bought it. I wasn't bad about it, a couple M&Ms here and there was really all I needed. However, in the past 4 months where I have NOT been pregnant I have learned a valuable lesson - sweet begets sweet. The more I ate, the more I wanted, it was, nay is, a vicious cycle. So with an overabundance of Halloween candy and a half gallon of chocolate ice cream in the freezer, I am saying enough is enough! I don't like chocolate, I would rather have something else, so something else will have to do. For the month of November I will NOT eat chocolate. Does this mean I will not eat sweets? No, just not chocolate. I will still be able to eat pie on Thanksgiving, I will still be able to satisfy my sweet tooth (Amelia got quite a few tiny bags of Skittles!), I will just be abstaining from chocolate this month.

Goldfish - This favorite toddler snack is my kryptonite. It is seriously a problem. Amelia loves them, so I feel like I should have them around. But if I have them around I eat them, and not like one or two. Oh no, not this girl. I devour them. It is terrible. So no more. I am giving them up. Again, not all snacks, just goldfish.

Losing My 20s

Well I turned 30 today. I don't feel it, but really are you supposed to feel any different? I mean, it is just another day. 30 for me is not looking too bad though. I have two beautiful children that I just can't get enough of, I have a fantastic husband who provides so well for us, I am in better shape now than I was in my 20s. So while it is true that I can't go out and drink like I used to (hangovers are the pits!) I honestly can't say that I really want to. I love my life, I love watching my kids grow and being there with them. I love hanging out with Chuck and a couple of baby monitors. I know it sounds lame but I just love my life. I get to go out when I am invited, we are still planning to travel (New Zealand next October anyone), and in a couple years the whole family will be skiing every weekend in the winters.

Now I am going to go curl up in bed in my flannel pants and wool socks, oh yeah!

Losing Herd Immunity

As a mother I am involved in the interests of my children, including the health interests. When Amelia was a baby I had to make the decision to vaccinate or not. This was not a light hearted decision for me. I did a lot of research and spoke to my pediatrician and then did more research on the matter. What I concluded was best for my family was to vaccinate my child on the AAP recommended schedule, and I am continuing that decision with James. I feel not only is this best for my child it is best for the herd immunity.

(From Wikipedia) Herd immunity (or community immunity) describes a type of immunity that occurs when the vaccination of a portion of the population (or herd) provides protection to unprotected individuals.^[1] Herd immunity theory proposes that, in diseases passed from individual to individual, it is more difficult to maintain a chain of infection when large numbers of a population are immune. The higher the proportion of individuals who are immune, the lower the likelihood that a susceptible person will come into contact with an infectious individual.^[2]

Basically, to protect the weak or sick, the majority of the population must be vaccinated. This is seen in animals as well as humans. The best example of this that I have heard is a child with Leukemia enrolled in preschool. That child has a weakened immune system and at risk to contract possibly deadly diseases. The health of the child is dependent on the rest of the children in the daycare to be immunized, if they are not, the child with Leukemia will be forced to leave the daycare.

Another example can be found in this article http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2010-01-06-childhoodvaccines06_CV_N.htm which talks about the recent outbreak of Meningitis in Minnesota.

The debate over vaccines started with a paper published in a respectable British health magazine called the Lancet. The author was later found guilty of professional misconducted and was struck from the British Medical Register. His claims that there was a connection with the MMR vaccine and Autism were unfounded and based on manipulated data. (To read more about it http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MMR_vaccine_controversy) Since the article was printed the debate to vaccinate has raged. And while it is true that the instances of Autism have increased since the 1980s, the data can't be entirely trusted because the ways of diagnosing have changed considerably.

Do the benefits outweigh the side effects? Well that is a question that each family must answer for themselves. I truly hope that if you are faced with the decision to vaccinate or not, you take the time to do the research and look at both sides of the issue. 

Losing Weight - Week 12 Day 2

Okay so I weighed myself today and I was exactly what i was last week, that mysterious pound and a half gain is gone - and I'm going to go ahead and listen to today's reading!

Losing Weight - Week 12

Ugh. I gained a pound and a half this week. I knew I would too. Apparently eating chips and salsa every night is not a good thing. Well back at it again tomorrow.

A Day in the Life Photo Spectacular!

A rough morning . . . 

 But not for this guy

 I've been up for hours mom!

Good Morning Lucy, Good Morning Dimetrodon!

 While breakfast cooks . . .

 Mom does chores

And a little catching up

Off to the gym!

 45 Minutes, 3.5 Miles

A little TV time

While mommy showers

Lunch time!

Followed by blissful naptime!

Mommy's mental nap

And a project.

The hellions awake! Time to play.

Auntie Eve to the rescue!

Dinner, or part of it at least!

What time is it? Bath Night!

Garbage day! We recycle a LOT!

And a little down time

 Laundry, there is always laundry

 Check on the kids

Brush my teeth

And rest up to do it all again!

And just a before and after!

Losing Weight - Week 11

Super late this week sorry but I am down .4 pounds. Not the best week either - after I ran my race i have been back to the gym once because my knee is hurting me. Also have been quite terrible in the eating department :( Slightly better this week which is good but really need to get back on track.

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Losing My Hair

One of the perks of pregnancy is that your hair stops falling out and becomes thicker. It is really quite fantastic and for those 9 blissful months you almost forget what normal shedding is.

Then about 2 or 3 months after your precious baby is born it happens. You are in the shower washing your hair when all of a sudden you have a fistful of loose strands in your hand. And it doesn't stop! Remember it was 9 blissful months of not shedding, your body has some catching up to do.

Fistful upon fistful of hair starts coming out, in the shower, when you brush, after a ponytail (the staple mom hairdo!). You start to see it on the floor, in your bed, and if you are incredibly lucky like me, in your toddler's poop. Yeah you heard me, in her poop.

That foolish thing eats hair. It started with her stuffed Kiwi but we didn't think she was eating it because we would find random wet tufts in her bed. It has since progressed to any and all fluff, the cat's hair, my hair, and she will even pull out her own and eat it. I am starting to get a little worried.

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Losing TV Time

Dear CBS,

Please allow Hulu to stream your shows. Hulu is my BFF and my life would be complete if only I could watch my shows. You see, due to circumstances beyond my control (namely my 3 month old not wanting to sleep), I have missed most of my Monday night shows. And although nothing is more important than my sweet little boy, it would be nice to catch up the next day during nap time.

So CBS, please find it in your heart to grant Hulu whatever rights and privileges needed to show the wonderful shows on your delightful network.

Thank you very much!

Losing Nothing

Today I gained - gained stamina, self respect, maybe some other thing too. I ran my first ever 5k today, the Littleton Road Race. I ran the entire thing without walking, which I had yet to accomplish at the gym. I finished in 38:47, but the first mile was 11:59 so I was kind of on pace for my 12 minute mile.

I feel really good about myself; I set a goal and I accomplished it. I wasn't the fastest runner out there by any stretch but I also wasn't the slowest. I think I was 240 something of 282. Just means that I have room for improvement and next year maybe I will be 140 something of 282.

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Losing Weight - Week 10

So I got up and weighed myself this morning and wasn't thrilled with the results. So naturally I decided I should weigh myself after I feed James. Then I thought maybe I can pee a little then weight myself. After all of that I am down a pound! And it really shouldn't be considered cheating because I usually do weigh myself after I feed James.

My big race is tomorrow. I have only logged 6 miles this week and I would have really liked to have gotten at least 9 under my belt. I can't believe I am talking about running in terms of miles per week. I never thought I would like running, and in all honesty I don't, but I do find that it is producing the results I want. Anyway, my goal is to be under 40 minutes, ideally around 36, and anything under 36 will be a win.

Losing Perspective

I admit it, sometimes I am irrational. And during these times where rational thought flees from me I usually have lost perspective in some way. I then generally find myself irrationally angry at someone, usually Chuck or Amelia.

Is it fair that I direct my irrational anger towards these two? No. Well, Chuck maybe but Amelia? She is two, she doesn't deserve it. Sure she angers me, she is two after all, but she doesn't deserve more than she is due. However, when I am irrational I lose patience with my sweet girl.

Sadly it is only after I have been irrational that I can look back and realize it. It is then that I regain perspective and realize that I have been a raging bitch. No Heather, your husband does not go out with the boys every night. In fact he hardly ever does. No Heather, Amelia is not trying to send you to an untimely breakdown. She is merely 2 and testing her boundaries (and yours!).

Ok Heather, take a deep breath and relax.

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Losing All Semblence of a Life

Ok seriously it has been like 2 months since I have had the pleasure of getting together with a friend that has not had to deal with weddings. Chuck was just invited to a Red Sox game with MY friend Alex. Does anyone ever invite me anywhere? No.

I understand that I have a 3 month old and I am sure that plays a part, but still! I want to go out and do something. I want to have something to talk about besides my kids. Again not that I don't love my kids.

I guess it just gets me now because Chuck is busy planning a bachelor party in Vegas, now he is going to the Red Sox tomorrow night, and what am I doing? Nothing.

Guess I am just having a pity party.

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Losing Time

Ok, this is seriously crap. I signed up for a 5k 3 weeks ago. The race is on Sunday. Right after I signed up I got sick and didn't do anything for a week. Last week I had a great running week, ran 15 miles and even managed to shave some minutes off my time. I was looking forward to another great week and WHAM I get sick again. WTF? This sucks. I am really hoping that I feel better tomorrow and can get back to the gym and back on the running.

On a good note though my very good friend might run with me! She runs marathons so it will be good motivation for me to have her there. I am very excited for this run. I know I am not going to break any records and at this rate I might even have to stop and walk but I love the fact that I am doing it. I feel like I have really turned a page in my life and I feel better than I have in a long time!

Losing a Baby

I sit here in my bed in tears over the loss of a baby. Noah Lambert passed away and though I did not know him or his mother in real life my heart aches for them.

Courtney is a member of LammyTown, an internet birth club I am a member of. It started as a simple idea, women whose babies we due June 1st through 10th, but it grew beyond control - not in size but in closeness. The women on this board make me laugh on a daily basis. We share our little ones' achievements, pictures, frustrations with our husbands and in laws, our real life drama. The women of LammyTown give each other unflinching support. And today we step up and give support for the most heartbreaking event of any life.

Little Noah was 4 months old, just a month older than James. The feelings his mother must be having . . . I can't even imagine. I have checked on both of my babies twice since I found out and I all I want to do is watch them sleep.

I am writing this to try to wrap my head around such a tragic event and the strength of Courtney. I cannot imagine going on without James or Amelia, they feel like they have always been a part of me. My thoughts will be with the family and I hope that in reading this you will stop and give silent support to this family is such a heartbreaking time.

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Losing Weight - Week 9

Down 2 pounds this week for a total of 30.4!

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Losing Self Respect

Not me, don't worry. I am actually gaining it every day. Today I gained a little by running a mile in 12 minutes, a new record for the current me.

What I am referring to is something else entirely. Think of the blog "People of Walmart". We have all seen it, or similar. We have all seen the people that make us say to ourselves, "ehugh" (and that is a word specially coined by me). So my question is when do you lose so much self respect the you just don't care.

Or is the problem that these people don't know? Do they think that skin tight clothes on a 350 lb frame is attractive? Do the not feel the urge to pull up their pants when half their ass is hanging out? What is it about people that makes them, for lack of a better word, trashy?

Example, and I am going to be intentionally vague here - I saw a heavy lady in not skin tight but tight clothes the other day. Not a big deal in itself but her shirt kept riding up expsoing about 4 inches of skin. Now if this ever happened to me you can bet your ass that my first reaction would be pulling the shirt down and the second would be a mental note to never wear the shirt again! But this lady didn't immediately pull her shirt down, she just let her belly hang out for a while. So is it that she just has given up caring about her appearence, she doesn't realize that her shirt has come up, or she knows but likes the flaunt her stuff?

Always a question on my mind and thought I would share. When do you just stop caring?

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Losing Weight - Week 8

OK I am a day late but I lost .4 pounds. I REALLY need to get back on track, especially with the in laws coming in for a month and a 5k in less than 2 weeks! The gym tomorrow will tell me a lot about where I am but the way I figure it I will need to run a LOT the next two weeks.

My sister in law just left but left behind lots of bad food. Ugh! I haven't logged my calories in so many days. And I just keep giving in to the snacking. But like I said, back on track tomorrow.

I am kind of worried though because my back has been hurting. I hope that starting back at the gym only helps and doesn't cause my body to go into resistance like it usually does - or maybe that is just an excuse I have used throughout the years to be lazy.

What I really want is a way to trigger the belly fat for weight loss. I would be about 700 time happier with my body if I didn't have such a huge belly hanging out. It makes pants fit funny. I went shooping this weekend and I found that one size fits all the way up until I have to button them, the I need the next size up but the legs are too big. It is so frustrating. I did finally find a pair that aren't too terrible but I just want to be able to go into the Gap or Express and buy a nice pair of pants.

On the plus side I was able to buy nursing bras at Target so obviously my boobs have shrunk! Let me tell you if I come out of this nursing thing able to fit back in Victoria's Secret I am going on a shopping spree and I don't Chuck will mind because really I will be buying sexy new bras and the girls will be his again :)

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Losing Me

I don't know if there ever really was a "me" but I am feeling more and more out of touch with the non-mommy part of my life. Most poignant after James, I just have less and less time for me. I guess this blog is "me" at least the writing part of me, but it doesn't feel like it since a lot of times it is about my kids.

I was thinking earlier today what I did and who I was before kids. I didn't really have a career or job that I loved, I wasn't part of clubs, I haven't played any sports in forever. So what makes me me? And how do I go about establishing me as an individual when I have no time and two kids always in tow?

I could start with my likes - photography, travel, golf, softball, skiing/snowboarding. I would love to play golf again but who do I go with and when? Chuck would need to watch the kids and James is still breastfeeding so I would be lucky to get in 9 holes before I have to feed him again, or I need to start pumping. But who do I go with? None of my friends golf.

I would love to join like a town softball league but again, when do I find the time? Chuck's work schedule is too crazy to be able to expect him home on a regular basis and if he was then he would be putting the kids to bed a couple times a night by himself - which don't necessarily think is a bad thing, just a thing. And how do I go about finding a team?

It is just so hard to find time to do anything just for me. I do go to the gym because they have babysitting but other than that it is basically me and my kids all the time. Don't get me wrong, I love my children and wouldn't have it any other way, but sometimes I would like to be able to do something for myself, or have something to add to a conversation that isn't about children.

I guess soon enough they will be grown up and I will miss this part.

Losing Weight - Week 7

I am down another 1.4 pounds which makes a total of 28 pounds from my heaviest and 7 pounds from the start of this blog! I am hoping that next week will mark the change from obese to simply overweight.

This coming week also is the start of training for a 5k in 24 days time. I decided I needed some motivation. I am pretty much jogging a 5k already, or at least I was 2 weeks ago - I really need to get back to the gym! - but I need to get faster. I would like to be able to finish it under 40 minutes, and ideally under 30 but I am starting slow.

This means I will need to add outdoor running at home between gym visits. But hopefully this also means so good toning and weight loss.

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Losing Weight - Week 6 Official

So the official 10 day weigh in report is down 3.2 pounds or something! Yee ha. The best part is some runs outside (did I mention that hills suck?) and surviving Maine without gaining. Now I just have to survive the rest of this week (haven't been super but not too bad) and get back to the gym. I just signed Amelia up for a Little Gym class on Wednesday so now our weeks will be Monday and Tuesday at the gym, Wednesday the the Little Gym, Thursday with Auntie Eve, and Friday will be our fun morning day.

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Losing Weight - Week 6 (Unofficial)

I am in Maine and away from my scale so today's update has to be unofficial. But according to my mom's scale I am down 2 pounds this week!!! I will give a special midweek update when I get home.

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Losing Steam

So I was pretty good about writing for a while but I have been slacking lately. I will try to be better.

Amelia was such a good girl today. We went to lunch today with my mom and Tiffany and we sat there for 2 hours and Amelia was so well behaved! I am so proud of her, she is really becoming such a big girl.

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Losing Weight - Week 5

Ugh so I gained a pound this week, which I knew I was going to do and frankly I am surprised it was not more. I am still down almost 3 pounds in 5 weeks so that is nothing to be upset about. And I guess I should start tracking my measurements but maybe I will do that for my 8 week post. On a brighter note I wanted ice cream tonight - well I have wanted ice cream for like a week now - so I went for a run to deserve it! I am also pleased to admit that I logged my calories everyday since Monday, even on days when it was painfully embarrassing to do so. So . . .

I WILL keep logging my calories.

I WILL add one day of running at home.

I WILL actually start my core workouts . . . tomorrow.

Losing Ignorance

I always enjoy learning new things, especially when they are truly weird. I recently learned about stone babies, an absolutely fascinating condition where a baby is conceived and developed outside the uterus, then when said baby dies it is calcified by the body to prevent the dead cells from infecting the healthy parent. Super cool right??? Tonight I learned about double uterus, or Uterus Didelphys, a super neat condition where two uteruses form during the embryonic period and even sometimes two vaginas. What what what? So naturally I had to go out and learn all I could about this condition which apparently sucks if it is you who has it but is just nifty to people like me - especially when I learn that each uterus can have a baby conceived at different times. The human body just completely amazes me with what it can do!

And it amazes me what you can learn with the power of the internet. I mean, anything you can think of you can learn about at the touch of a button.

Losing My Husband

I am extremely lucky to have a husband who works from home and is very flexible and able to help out during the day. However, everything has its price and this is no different. In exchange for being around he travels. He left tonight and won't be back until Friday. Then he leaves again on Wednesday for a wedding in Seattle and won't be back until the following Tuesday. I guess his business trips wouldn't be so bad if they were planned in advance but he tends to take off at a moment's notice. This trip was planned yesterday!

The part that stinks most for me is being left home with Amelia, who is now old enough to ask where Daddy is. She misses him when he is gone but she isn't quite old enough to understand "he will be back Friday." And of course I miss him. As much as he drives me crazy, he keeps me sane. He makes me stay on top of the housework when he is around and helps out a lot. When he leaves I just get so tired by the end of the day and even though I know that cleaning up will only take a little time I put it off. He gives me someone to talk to at the end of the day who isn't 2. And he is even good for a cuddle in the middle of the night.

So Chuck, since you are probably the only one reading this, I love you and we miss you.

Losing Weight - Week 4

I am a day late but I do have good news - down .4 pounds! Not as good as I would have liked but considering at least 3 of my lunches were like 3 lunches at once I am not complaining. And apparently even if you compensate for a GIANT lunch with nothing for dinner it doesn't quite work. Alas the after workout hunger. The good news is that I have been told I can keep the kids in daycare for an hour and a half, even with James. So now I can do my cardio and my core workout at the gym - which means I will actually do my core workout.

- I WILL start my core workouts again.

- I WILL stop skipping days with my calorie counting.

- I WILL stop eating so much when I get back from the gym.

Losing Tolerance

My tolerance for alcohol that it! Chuck made me a margarita and it just about did me in. Even as I type this I am using my backspace more than ever. I guess that is what happens when you get pregnant in 2007 and again in 2009 with barely time in between to regain some of that tolerance. I am not really complaining but it does become problematic when you just want a nice glass of wine with dinner and you end up loopy.

Losing It (Laughter)

Amazingly adorable things Amelia says or has said:

-She wants a dinosaur named Daddy, an allosaurus.

-There was a whole phase where everything smelled like gallimimus, a bird like dinosaur.

-"I need this!" about everything, she says it very emphatically though and it is really cute.

-When she looks for something she always calls out "___ where are you?"

-Today she said "I miss daddy."

-Also, "I love our family."

-When she wants my attention but I am holding James "Mommy, put James in bed."

-"No, my turn!" or "No, I do it!"

-When you ask her what James eats? Nipples!

This is why two year olds are allowed to grow up; because just about when you think you can't take any more tantrums, they come out with something that either makes you laugh or melts your heart.

Losing Ambition

One would think that seeing such a success on the scale one week would motivate me the next week but alas not me. I see a three pound loss on the scale and then eat like a stupid person. I was really hoping to be able to post a nice mid week victory but there is nothing to be excited about. I shouldn't be weighing myself all week but I am addicted to it. It is like a drug. Every morning I step on the scale. Sometimes I think it is good, but I am not sure.

Like this morning, I step on the scale expecting good things and I see no progress. Well I go to the gym and work out then I come home and eat. And I don't just eat normal. No I eat 1200 calories! That is what some people eat in a day not in a lunch! Needless to say I ate salad for dinner.

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Losing Sleep - III

A very sleepless week around here. Poor Amelia is either developing molars or a fear of the dark. My poor little girl woke up screaming and only mommy could console her. I guess we may need to get her a nightlight because twilight turtle only stays on for 45 minutes. I feel so bad when she is upset. I wish nothing would ever hurt or scare her. So now we have left her door open so we will see how that goes. I have a feeling it may end up being a very early morning for me. The only question that remains is do we secretly shut her door when we go to bed or gate the stairs?

Losing Sleep - II

So I had the night from hell last night. After going to bed late, well late for me it was only 11, my kids had me up all hours of the night last night. At 1:30 it was Amelia and Chuck handled that situation. Poor girl had been sick so she had a rough night. I would love to be able to sleep once I know Chuck is up but I can't, I usually don't fall back asleep until he is back in bed. So, right 1:30. Then it was 2:30 I got up with her and I can't even remember what she wanted. Then at 3:30 James was up to eat. That was an hour long thing, although I may have fallen asleep for some of it! So I got back into bed at 4:30 to be woken up at 5:30 to Amelia. She had wet through her diaper, through her clothes, and her sheets were wet. So I changed her clothes, got her a new diaper, did what I could with her sheets since we are running on one set at the moment, then went back to bed. Then 6:30 James wants to eat. At this point I bring him into bed with me and feed him there. Much better and we drift off to sleep to be woken for the last time at 7:30 to Amelia screaming. Come to find out she had a poopy diaper which she tried to take off and had poop on her hand.

And then, to add insult to injury, she napped for a grand total of 40 minutes today - once again waking up because of poop. I think James and I are about to go to bed and it is only 8:30!

Losing Weekends

Another weekend comes to a close and far too little has been accomplished. It seems like the weekends just get shorter and shorter. It is hard to get up and do anything with two little ones, James in particular. And being sleep deprived doesn't help anything. By the time we can get motivated it is usually 10, which I know is early for our non parent friends but it is pretty late for us. We did get a lot done this weekend, we went to the zoo, stopped in Arlington to pick up some shelving, Chuck organized the basement, grocery shopping, some cleaning. But I used to get so much more accomplished when I was still pregnant with James. Now, between feeding James, burping him, changing diapers (on both), spending time with Amelia, feeding Amelia, I run out of time to do anything else!

But I did manage to vacuum today, go grocery shopping, empty the dishwasher, clean off the island, write down my meat order, one load of laundry, make a delicious dinner, and put both the kids to bed. All while intermittently feeding James. Not too shabby.

Losing Weight - Week 3

Okay, this is how it is supposed to go! Down 3.2 pounds this week!!! A huge victory in and of itself but also Chuck was gone for three days and I still managed to drop three pounds. I went to the gym three days, two days walking/jogging and a spin class. I love spin class and am so happy to be back, I only wish that there were more options. In Arlington I was taking 3 a week, now I will be lucky to get one in. Oh well. Also logged my calories this week, missed two days but I can live with that. I love victorious weeks!

I WILL keep going to the gym.

I WILL keep logging my calories.

I WILL start back in with the ab routine.

Losing the Plot

Quite literally I am losing the plot of my dreams. I usually dream stories and if I remember anything I remember everything. Recently I have only been remembering scenes from my dreams - very cool scenes but scenes nonetheless.

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Losing My Headphones

Getting ready for the gym yesterday I searched the house for my bluetooth headphones. I checked all the usual places and couldn't find them. I looked in my purse three times but eventually just worked out without music.

Today I call Chuck, I look again through the house, the junk drawer, the office. No luck. I resigned myself to once again be musicless at the gym. As I put a sippy in my bag for Amelia, I made one more half hearted effort to find them and lo and behold they were in my bag the whole time.

Pretty sure I am going crazy!

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Losing My Headache

Well, I wish I could lose it. I have had this headache for so long, it just persists. I know with Amelia I always held her one way and therefore always looked one way. But with James I feed on both sides so I am looking to both sides but I still have this monsterous headache. My sister adjusted me and that helped for a while. I have been drinking water like crazy so I am pretty sure it is not dehydration or anything. It really sucks at the end of the day, when both kids are sleeping and the house is moderately clean, to have a splitting headache.

On the bright side, I cleaned up most of Amelia's toys and I emptied and refilled the dishwasher. Now I just need to go to bed and hope for a long luxurious sleep before James wakes up and wants food. Tomorrow is our last day of nothing this week (except the gym) before it gets crazy. Angela is coming on Wednesday, Eve is coming Thursday and I am going to my first spin class back, Sara is coming on Thursday for a play date with Ric and James, and Friday I am taking the clan and heading to my big sister's graduation in CT. I have decided that the term 'stay at home mom' is completely ridiculous.

Also, I am trying to get us on more of a schedule around here. I realized that I am never going to make mommy friends with our crazy schedule, but if I go to the playground the same day and time each week, I might actually develop a rapport with someone. Also, kids like routines. And it helps me a lot. So for now I have decided that we will go to the gym Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. Amelia will have a gymnastics class starting this fall I think. And I am going to experiment with the playground to see what days have the best range of kids. I would like Amelia to have some more friends her age.

And finally, I have something in my fingernail. It won't come off with regular washing, it doesn't smell of anything, but it looks suspiciously like poop.

Losing Weight - Week 2

Ok, so I am going to have to call a mulligan on this. After one week of eating horribly I have gained half a pound. And I knew I would. Chuck was away for three days and when he goes away I just eat too much and cheesy things. So I will have to start over this week - even though Chuck will once again be gone for three days.

I AM going to count my calories.

I AM going to start Thursday spin class (if Eve can help.)

I AM going to lose weight.

Losing My Sanity

Today I lost it. Sometimes all of the problems that aren't that bad come to a head at the same time and it happens most when it is stupidly hot.

I try so hard to be a good mom, a good wife, a good housekeeper, a good everything. For the most part I thiink I do a fairly good job. I have my shortcomings don't get me wrong. There are a lot of things I could do better

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Losing Brain Function

I am so tired. I am on my droid. I am going to sleep.

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Losing Soft Supple Hands

I realized today that I have a callus on my hand from my wedding ring. This has developed from carrying the car seat with James in it around. How silly is this? I have a ring callus from carrying my baby. The real kicker is that if I carried James another way something else would pay the price. Sometimes I wear him in a sling, but that puts me off balance and hurts my back. Sometimes I wear him in a wrap and that isn't so bad but can be a pain in the butt to get set up. The real problem with both of these is that they don't work for the short tip from the car to the house. Or the trip from the car to the shopping cart.

The problems I have as a mom!

Losing Weight - Week 1

Before I found out I was pregnant with James, I had lost 25 pounds. I gained 29 pounds while pregnant and now at six weeks post delivery I have lost most of it but still have quite a ways to go. I gave myself these six weeks before I really started trying to be good. So I weighed in this morning (higher than I would have liked) and now comes the fun part!

I will be counting my calories. This was the way I lost the weight before and if I am diligent it will work again. The hardest part is not eating Amelia's snacks. Without kids dieting is easy you just don't buy certain foods. But with Amelia we always have delicious Goldfish in the house and man do I love Goldfish!

I am also going to start back at the gym this week. I won't be able to go as often as I was before James but something is better than nothing. I am also hoping that I can make a Thursday spin class when Eve comes to help out. I have missed my spin classes.

So wish me luck and stay tuned! With your help I will look awesome for Sean and Erin's wedding at the end of October.

Losing the Baby out of my Baby Girl

Amelia turned two today. It is hard to believe that she is two, I have no idea where the time has gone. Two years ago we were in the hospital waiting to meet our little bundle and now here we are wondering if we can put her back! Just kidding. I can't imagine my life without her. It is funny to think about life when she came home. We were so new at parenting and she was such a handful, even as just a tiny baby. We battled her eating when she was little and we are still battling her today. She has always been strong willed and I love it. It is hard to handle some days but it is who she is. I hope she stays strong willed throughout her life.

Two years ago we brought Amelia into this world and I have loved her more everyday since then.

Losing Control - I

I label this post Losing Control - I because I know there will be more to follow. Do you ever get the feeling that you are losing control of everything around you? I get that feeling a lot but it tends to do with a needy cat, a two year old, and a new baby. There is just only so much you can do during the day with a two year old when you have to stop every three hours and nurse a baby. And when you have to nurse the baby, what do you do with the two year old? I pose this not as a funny or rhetorical question but for real - what DO you do with a two year old when you have to nurse a baby? So far I haven't figured this out. I close as many doors as I can and hope for the best.

Thus far in the six weeks we have been doing this Amelia has managed to harass the cat without me able to stop her, climb into the pack and play (playpen to all you non baby people out there) which we have been trying to discourage since we don't want her in there with James, color on the couch (sorry Chuck but it did come off!), pull scissors out of the utility drawer, the list just goes on and on. I try to put on her shows but that doesn't always work, or it only works for a short time.

She generally will systematically destroy the order of the living room, starting with her dinosaur puzzles - 30 giant puzzle pieces strewn about the floor. Then come the hard plastic dinosaurs; these usually get thrust onto James and me. When I tell her that James can't have hard toys she starts to bring the snuggly toys to us and even though I have put most of them back in her room, they keep finding their way back down. Once Amelia realizes that I am not going to play with her, she decides she will play by herself with her little people - so many little people that she dumps all over the floor. That occupies her for a while but she eventually gets bored and decides it is time to read a book. Amelia has a LOT of books and she needs to look most of them over before deciding on one. And if you have never seen a two year old choose a book it is not an orderly process.

So by then end of the ten or twenty minute feeding session my living room looks like a tornado has gone through it. And if I am very lucky it will just be the living room! But a bit of good news to finish up this post - Amelia helped me put all her puzzles away today and that is a big ol' check in the win column!

Losing Ideas

Running out of ideas would be more appropriate but it wouldn't fit with the theme I am going with. I like to think that I am fairly good at keeping us busy during the days, we usually spend a morning or afternoon away from the house but since it has been 90 degrees for the past two weeks it is getting harder. If we go to the playground there is no shade so Amelia gets wicked hot, as does James stuck in his carseat. There is only so much grocery shopping we can do. I can't swim until the doctor clears me hopefully in a week. This doesn't leave us a lot of options, at least not many I can think of.

The choices would be better if it was just Amelia and me, we could go to the aquarium since we are members. Or the zoo. Or the children's museum. But when I think about these things in relation to James they all seem much less attractive.

Next week I am going to start back at the gym so that will be a couple of days a week where the morning is taken care of. And I suppose once I can swim again that will be a lot of afternoons. I try very hard not to be a stay at home mom - I realize it wouldn't be much fun for Amelia or myself.

Anyway, if you have any good ideas let me know. We are always looking for new and exciting things to do.

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Losing Ambition

So I have no real ideas for today's post. we had a pretty good day today, playground, groceries, shopping in Nashua. But diligently here I am tippity typing away before bed. We had delicious taco salads for dinner and now it is time to feed James and hopefully get some sleep. Do you hear that James? Get some sleep!

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Losing Pressure

The one nice thing about these stupidly hot summer days is that when it rains, it pours - quite literally! I love thunderstorms, the drop in pressure, the ominous skies, the lightning, the pouring rain. I love how the air gets cool and crisp, how you can smell it. I love how afterwards everything just seems better.

We had a whopper of a storm pass through here tonight and it has really cooled off the night. We narrowly missed the massive center of the storm which was complete with hail and tornado warnings. However the storm came with more lightning than I have ever seen. It was truly magnificent.

The storm will unfortunately do nothing to cool us off this week but it is supposed to drop the humidity some. And hey, I think I will need a blanket tonight in bed and there is nothing like snuggling up in a blanket after a thunderstorm!

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Losing Sobriety

Being pregnant is fantastic for your tolerance, especially if you enjoy feeling the effects of one drink. But it is fantastic to be back on the wagon, or off the wagon, I am not sure which way is which. My first margarita was absolutely to die for, I miss them the most when pregnant. More recently I just went to the wine tasting at my favorite wine and beer store with one of my favorite people. They had the best wines I could ask for for my first time back in ages. Also I was given a bottle of sparkling sauvignon blanc, which turned out to be quite delightful indeed!

Everybody was super happy to meet my little dude. It is so nice to go back after a long time and have such a warm reception. I had no idea of the wines they were tasting but right off the bat I was given a delightful white from a favorite winery. The glass I had had a small chip and I made sure to drink out of the opposite side. The tasting hostess (a delightful woman) noticed this and told me to give her the glass when I was done. The next wine was a surprising reisling like nothing I had ever tried. It was a strange tasting because there were three whites and two reds and usually it is reverse. The third white was also good (all the wines they taste are usually very good.) And then the reds!

Both reds were from my favorite winery. And this is where the story gets good. We had the first, a good red. When it came time to get the next glass the hostess asked me if I was on the first red to which I could only reply, with the silliest face I could muster, "Yes, yes I am." Well I didn't think I was very convincing but I was given the first red again, as was my very good friend. The gig was up though and we got the second red, a malbec which was better then the first in my opinion. I finished my wine and went to give my glass to the hostess. She asked if I was done and I posed the question right back to her. Well I was treated to another taste of the delicious malbec!

It was a fantastic time and I came home not only with my gratis bottle of sparkling but also two bottles of the malbec and two bottles of a vinho verde which is so nice in the summer - light and crisp and almost effervescent. Anyway, I am very happy to be once again able to enjoy an alcoholic beverage!

Losing Sleep

I am very lucky and I realize this. James usually gives me at least a four hour stretch at night. What drives me crazy is when I tell people this they seem to think I have no reason to be tired. They tell me how good I have it, they tell me horror stories of how so and so's baby only sleeps one and a half hours before needing to be fed again. I want to ring their necks. Just because my baby can sleep for four hours, doesn't mean I am not tired. ONE four hour stretch, they never inquire about the rest of the night. I got six hours out of him the other night but then I was up every hour with him. And typically it is a long stretch followed by a short one.

And by the way, you try getting sleep in four hour bursts and tell me how you feel! I go to bed at 11 or 11:30 and am up by 6 feeding James then Amelia wakes up while I am feeding him and it's go go go from then on. Very rarely will they both sleep at the same time and even if they did it is the only time to get house work done. Also, it is the only time that I have to myself everyday. So I don't nap.

So yes, I understand that I am lucky that my baby is a good sleeper. But yes, I am still tired thank you very much! And thank you for thinking that I care about your niece's best friend's baby but I really really don't. So unless you have a cute story to share that will make me smile, it is probably best to keep it to yourself.

Losing Precious Time

I was holding my little baby James today and realized how much different it is when you have your second. As I was holding James I was pulled away by Amelia. I wish I could sit and hold him and smell his head all day but I have a two year old who requires my attention pretty much all the time. He is already one month old and he is just so different. So often I find James just sleeping away in his car seat and I leave him there because it is easier that way. I love both my children and it is so hard to split my time between them. And then once Amelia is asleep I find myself so tired I hope that James just sleeps and sleeps so I can sit. It doesn't help that I can barely remember what I did with Amelia at this age, it is all so much a blur. Too tired to go on tonight and at this point I am just rambling senselessly.

Losing My Pants

This is not as good as it may sound. I am quickly learning that the problem with being pregnant, losing a bunch of weight, and geting pregnant again is that your wardrobe really suffers. I have very few clothes that fit and even less summer clothes. I currently own one pair of shorts that, unless tied very tightly, like to fall down whenever I move. This gets quite problematic when you chase a rambuncious toddler around all day. Hopefully someday soon it will be cooler and I can wear pants - I have like 3 pairs of them!

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Losing the Clutter Battle

Ok so I know I got myself into this mess - quite literally. Amelia really needs to learn to pick up her toys because by the time she is in bed and James is fed and content all I want to do is sit on my butt. It doesn't help matters that she has more toys than a preschool. I say to myself night after night that I will just sit down for 20 minutes and then clean. Well guess how well that works out! Before I know it James is awake again wanting to eat and then it is bedtime. The situation is compounded when Chuck goes out of town because then I have no one to motivate me.

And it is not just toys. One would think that moving into a house twice the size of our apartment would mean that our stuff would have places to go. It still just ends up on the table, on the island, EVERYWHERE! How did I end up with all this stuff? Where did it come from? Why can't I live without it?

The madness was under control for a fleeting moment before James came into our lives. It will happen again and hopefully before I go completely insane!

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What is 'It'?

Certainly a timeless question - what is it? 'It' is many things and that is what makes 'it' special. But before I get into what 'it' is, a little history.

Once upon a time there was a girl who fancied herself a writer. She even managed to obtain a degree from a real university saying as much. However, as so often happens in life, life got in the way. Working and relationships, and well just plain laziness, kept her from writing and then this girl who fancied herself a writer just stopped writing. What happened next is tragic beyond words - the poor girl suffered the worst case of writer's block imaginable. It left her muse mute. But all was not lost! This girl found herself pregnant and gave birth to the most wonderful little baby girl imaginable. Finally, the writer's block cleared up and the girl knew she wanted to write about life as a mother. Unfortunately the demands of motherhood left her fatigued and she fell into bed every night without writing a word. A year went by and then some months and the girl was pregnant again. Before she knew it she had two amazing babies and life couldn't be better. But just as everything was going so well, the inevitable happened - a visit from an old friend. Now it just so happened that this old friend was and is in actuality a writer, not just pretending. So when he asked the dreaded question - "So are you doing any writing?" - the girl had to meekly answer "no." This of course made her feel bad and she decided to do something about it.

Which brings us to what 'it' is. Yes as you may have guessed I am the girl and this is the result of that very short conversation. Now 'it' refers to many different things - sanity, control, patience, time, weight, the list is never ending. My goal is to write every night about what was lost that day while simultaneously losing weight. And now that it has taken me far too long to write this I am going to go and feed my baby I guess.